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DESPERATE MERCHANDISE

Valentine's Day Card Valentine's Day Card Valentine's Day Card
Valentine's Day Card
from $11.00

This Valentine’s Day, there’s only one greeting card guaranteed to have a johnny right inside: The Desperate Losers Valentine’s Day Card™. Whether you do it Doggy-Style, Monster-Style, or even San-Francisco-Mission-Style, we’ve got you covered. 

And for you lovers with vahoo-hoos, new Desperate Losers Lady Valentine™ comes packed with a dental dam for your clam!

3 Random Buttons 3 Random Buttons
3 Random Buttons
$10.00

Three different and wonderful 2.25” Desperate Losers themed buttons recalling all of our stupid adventures together. From the Price Is Oll Korrect’s famed castrating knife to that time a woman gave Jr. Milkshake the bird “for no reason.”

FREE VIDEO PERSONALS FOR DESPERATE LOSERS

A Desperate Losers / Oh Hi Dating Joint Whathaveyou
A woman wearing sunglasses and a black cap, standing on a city sidewalk, holds a red bag and smokes a cigarette. Behind her, there is a damaged vehicle, construction cones, and pedestrians.

FLYER

Post ‘em in your home town and email us a picture of each one you put up for 20 points a piece.

Mail envelope with handwritten email address 'DesperateLosers2@aol.com' on pink background.

CONTACT US

The best way to reach Desperate Losers is to call, but if you insist on emailing, fine: